Stuff That Looks Like Jesus

Firewood

Fri, 09 Oct 2009 21:23:48 -0700

Now Jesus has made himself appear in some firewood. This must have been right after a heavenly showing of Aladdin, because the image looks more like a genie to me.

Also, "what 'wood' Jesus do?" Horrible puns make baby Jesus cry.

Chair

Wed, 30 Sep 2009 15:14:16 -0700

Jesus manifests himself on a dining room chair... after five years of ownership - and of course it immediately goes on eBay. And you know this is legitimate because it was an atheist who spotted it! The auction listing doesn't mention this, but it's likely the heathen was immediately converted to a staunch Christian.

The auction starting price is $100. What a deal!

Hat tip: No-Name247

Wall Stain

Thu, 24 Sep 2009 13:29:26 -0700

The Virgin Mary now decided to show up on a water stain of some stone wall in New Mexico. The article mentions it as an image of the "Virgin of Guadalupe" which according to Wikipedia is a famous apparition of Mary. Apparently it's actually just a portrayal of Mary that is said to have just "miraculously" appeared, which is unfortunate because I was hoping this would be the first known instance of pareidolia of pareidolia.

Another door

Thu, 24 Sep 2009 13:22:24 -0700

Jesus now showed up on the front door of the Seaweed Pie Cafe (is it just me or does that sound gross?), but is apparently very shy as the only way to see him is to take a picture from what looks like roughly 800 yards away. Also the image of Jesus disappears around noon, presumably for his afternoon nap.

Wall

Wed, 23 Sep 2009 12:29:03 -0700

Jesus materializes in what appears to be a 3-year-old's finger painting of Dr. Mario. Actually it's some random splotches on some person's home in Colombia. Apparently the image is much more obvious to believers, as "throngs" of visitors started showing up to admire it.

Factory

Sat, 19 Sep 2009 21:48:32 -0700

The Lord Jesus now decided to appear on a factory wall in the Ukraine, and the people there have turned it into a sort of mini-shrine. People in the area are now making "pilgrimages" to leave flowers at this holy site of some water marks on the stone that seem to have the outline of a person. That person is just always Jesus.

Church Wall

Sat, 19 Sep 2009 21:43:09 -0700

Mary makes a rare appearance in an actual church, showing up in some sort of stain on a wall. The article mentions how some people think it looks like Jesus instead, making this a classic example of people being determined to see something in any even vaguely humanoid shape.

Mars

Sun, 13 Sep 2009 14:28:01 -0700

In what may be the biggest stretch yet, Jesus has launched into orbit to appear on Mars. But... I got nothing. Seriously, nothing that even vaguely resembles a person or face. This is just embarrassing.

More Trees

Sun, 13 Sep 2009 14:21:16 -0700

This person was cutting up a tree when Jesus decided to appear on one of the pieces. And of course it ended up on ebay; the bidding was up to the fantastic sum of $20 before the seller canceled it.

According to the ebay listing, Jesus didn't appear right away, but "within two hours." Maybe Jesus was having coffee and was a little delayed.

Cushion

Thu, 27 Aug 2009 14:46:14 -0700

I think this might be a new low: Jesus in the folds of a seat cushion. I suppose you can see the vague outline of something shaped like a face... maybe. But at that point you might as well just be looking at the clouds for random formations.

I think I see Luke Skywalker in the upper-right corner.

Bird Droppings

Wed, 26 Aug 2009 18:55:15 -0700

Continuing the tradition of any vague oval shape being able to be identified as something, Mary has made herself appear in some bird droppings. Which leads to the question of just what Mary is into. Maybe God left her a virgin because he wasn't into that sort of thing.

Hat tip: PZ Myers

Catfish

Wed, 26 Aug 2009 18:16:48 -0700

Jesus Fish is now more than a silly bumper sticker - it is reality as he makes himself appear in this skull of a catfish. And of course, it went up for auction, though it's not apparent how much it went for. At least a few thousand, surely.

Grease

Sun, 23 Aug 2009 15:08:25 -0700

Jesus appears in some burger grease burned onto a baking tray... and appears to really need a shave. And the rest of his head.

I'm going to be very busy during the week from now on, but you can expect some STTLJ updates at least over the weekends.

Kit Kat

Sat, 22 Aug 2009 18:32:36 -0700

After already dying for our sins, Jesus decided yet again to give us a break. *pauses for groans * Thank you, I'm here all week.

But seriously, sometimes I can't help but wonder if some people just scrutinize every tiny thing looking for apparitions. That barely looks like some semblance of a general face and a piece of Kit Kat is pretty small.

Toilet

Sat, 22 Aug 2009 17:55:50 -0700

Jesus now appears on a bumper sticker on this woman's toilet seat. Why does she have a bumper sticker on her toilet seat? God knows.

Magdalena swears Jesus is there. He appeared, just when she thought her financial situation was literally in the toilet.

The Lord is apparently a fan of puns, as well.

MRI

Fri, 21 Aug 2009 18:24:39 -0700

Jesus now reveals himself in this MRI, around where the heart would be. You can vaguely see a face. It looks to me like it's screaming in pain, though; maybe Jesus doesn't like it in there.

Vines

Fri, 21 Aug 2009 13:09:50 -0700

And now our Lord and Savior appears in some vines growing on a utility pole.

I take issue with the article, though. It calls the overgrowth "random," and that it "seemingly" looks like Jesus bowing his head, that it "appears" to have its arms open. Doesn't the journalist know that Jesus really does force himself to appear in everything? How else can you explain all the sightings?

Griddle

Thu, 13 Aug 2009 19:43:44 -0700

Welcome to the new Stuff That Looks Like Jesus website! Now that we're back up and rolling on our brand new website, I will be back with more regular updates.

In this update, the Virgin Mary herself appeared in a restaurant's griddle.

The restaurant's general manager Brenda Martinez told Associated Press that, after local churchman Rev. Gerardo Fernandez confirmed the image was a true likeness of the Virgin, more than 100 people flocked to restaurant to view it.

A reverend confirmed that the image was truly Mary? Well I'm convinced.

Among the onlookers was a group of masked Mexican wrestlers in town for an exhibition.

Good to know?

Grape

Sun, 08 Mar 2009 00:00:00 -0800

The mother/wife/virgin mistress of God has now appeared on a grape.

Ms. Ginn said she is thinking about trying to sell the grape on eBay, where others have sold food reincarnations of religious figures. Any profit would go to her church, Fielder Road Baptist Church in Arlington, she said.

She said she has no intention of trivializing the experience.

"I'm all for showing that God sometimes does have a sense of humor," she said.

Even though she sees no deep meaning in the grape, it was still obviously caused by the Lord. At least, as soon as she can make a profit.

Bruises

Sat, 28 Feb 2009 00:00:03 -0800

In what appears to be a satirical response to the last news entry, the face of Jesus appears on a girl's bruise.

[The girl] also commented that she thought it was a sign that "Jesus wants us to ride around in cars with boys; he's telling us all that it's OK. Also that I need a cooler cell phone."

Satire it may be, but the image and perceived meaning behind it are just as legitimate as every other Jesus sighting on this website. Perhaps Jesus was trying to convert the unbelievers.

Flesh wound

Sat, 28 Feb 2009 00:00:00 -0800

A man suffered a motorcycle accident and Mary decided to appear in his wound.

Lipton said he believes the Virgin Mary protected him from further injury when the motorcycle slid out from underneath him.

Why doesn't Mary deign to protect all the accident victims who are killed every day? Actually, they're probably all heathens.

Church podium

Wed, 25 Feb 2009 00:00:02 -0800

In a rare occasion, the son of God decided to actually show up in a church.

Jubilee Fellowship Church members say you can see Jesus??? face on their pulpit. After it was re-varnished, someone from the church noticed the profile of what they believe is Jesus Christ.

So no matter what they do, some church members believe you can see some image of Jesus in their podium. Obviously a sign from the Lord himself.

There???s also a poll at the bottom of the article, where hundreds of people have said that they can in fact see Jesus???s image.

Rock on a road

Wed, 25 Feb 2009 00:00:00 -0800

Jesus now appears on a rock on the side of a mountain road.

Shirley Maples says she was riding in a bus looking out the window when she saw it.

Maples' friend Annette Neal believes the image is there to watch over them. Maples' other friend, Maxine Nance, says Maples needs a kidney and believes the image is a sign that Maples will be OK.

I personally like to believe it's a sign that I'll eat good pizza tonight.

Closet door

Sun, 22 Feb 2009 00:00:02 -0800

Even though he concedes it's the "stupidest thing [he's] ever made on [his] blog," a nonbeliever of the Lord's steady stream of visitations into this world makes a post about Jesus appearing in his closet door.

Here it goes: my old closet door has a very curious wood grain pattern in it, that many people over the years have said looks exactly like Jesus Christ holding out His hands.

So far as I'm concerned, there's nothing supernatural about it at all. And it wouldn't be proper to come oggle this anyway: if the Bible teaches us that not even the angels are to be worshiped, then I can't begin to imagine how much worse it is to pay homage to an inanimate hunk of wood.

Obviously Jesus sent His image to this poor, deluded man in order to convince him of the righteousness of worshipping random images of nothing.

Cell phone

Sun, 22 Feb 2009 00:00:00 -0800

Jesus has further entered the digital age by appearing in a cell phone picture.

"The message that I got was that He was telling me that He was with me," Square said. "I feel proud and blessed that I have this picture."

Just to be sure that it wasn't a hoax, Square checked to see if the image had come pre-loaded with the phone, or had been sent to her. Apparently it was a truly divine miracle.

Yes, a distorted image that looks nothing like Jesus is truly nothing short of the work of the Lord.

The article also shows a picture of a t-shirt she had made with that image on it.