Yesterday, it was reported that Jesus appeared on some vines on a utility pole. Which is obviously true; look how cross-like that pole is! Wait, all utility poles are shaped like that? Well obviously Jesus chose to appear as a random blob of vines just there because it's cross-shaped.

Unfortunately, earlier today the Jesus-haters at the local administration office deemed the vines a safety hazard and ordered them removed. The Jesus vines died for our sins of bureaucracy.

And now our Lord and Savior appears in some vines growing on a utility pole.

I take issue with the article, though. It calls the overgrowth "random," and that it "seemingly" looks like Jesus bowing his head, that it "appears" to have its arms open. Doesn't the journalist know that Jesus really does force himself to appear in everything? How else can you explain all the sightings?